Chaos erupted today at the match between Northampton Pretenders and Possible United with a disagreement over where the imaginary ball actually was. This is the 982nd argument of its kind since the sport was founded last Tuesday.

The Referee insisted that the imaginary ball had gone into the linesman’s face from a rebound off McGee’s shin. However, both teams disagreed, each with a different idea about where the pretend ball went. The Pretenders said it had gone into McGilbert’s stomach, which would have explained his rolling around on the floor clutching said area. However, Utd were determined that the ball had gone into The Pretenders’ goal, despite it being kicked from their own half.

Eventually the Referee imposed his own decision, a throw-in was awarded, and the “injured” linesman was taken to hospital with extreme hypochondria.