Wanted: A midget* to walk behind me and hold my boobs up to pre-childrearing position.

Normal-size men need not apply…by “normal size”, I mean any one over 6 feet tall, because, let’s face it, if you are a man and you are under 6 feet, the only thing “normal” about you is your disdain for mankind and your sick of being laughed at behind your back.

Also, women need not apply. Why? Because female midgets in flannel kinda creep me out.

*I can say “midget” because I am 4’11”. I’ve been called midget more that most ACTUAL midgets.** It’s like black people being able to say the “N” word or women being able to call other bitches “bitch”.

**Why? Because people are scared of being politically incorrect and offending real midgets. People don’t give a damn about offending short people.

If you are still offended by the use of “midget” in this post, you can file your complaint at 1-800-I Don’t give a F%&k.

For those of you that realize there are too many characters for a phone number, you can file your complaint at IStillDon’tGiveAF%&k@GetALifeBastard.com.

If that is a real email address, let me apologize in advance for all the angry midget emails you are about to receive.