As you can probably tell from my previous posts, I am a great, upstanding individual who is the perfect candidate to be judging others. That being said, here is my take on some of my favorite articles linked to today on fark.com:

• A man was arrested for flipping out due to losing a game of UNO. Due to the fact that this took place in Utah and the man has outstanding warrants for other assaults, I can only assume that this man is a Mormon with a lot of pent up rage since his religion calls on him to live like a pussy. I recommend more masturbation; or in his case, he could even draw two! Hey-ooooooooo. Uno-joke? Anyone?
• Some state delegate is being investigated for his misuse of the Baltimore Police Department in getting them to play a role in his intricate marriage proposal. Please, Mr. Politician, sir. Everyone knows that marriage is more of an empty promise than President Obama’s public health care plan! Hey-ooooooo. No one? I’m 0-2, aren’t I…..?
• Apparently, there are mental health benefits in video ga– Hold on a second there, big guy. Are you trying to tell me that having fun can actually reduce stress! Holy shit! That is the smartest thing I’ve ever heard in my life! Are you psychologists!!?? You really should be, because that was sooooo ingenious (God, I hate people).
• Last but not least, how to bring your kids up the American way: Don’t allow them to practice capitalism. Instead, lock them in a house filled with marijuana and guns. The little guy/girl will be full-fledged loser in no time.