sketchy.com

“I’m buying a Mac,” She said.

“That’s nice dear, get me one as well won’t you? And a large diet Coke please.”

“No, baby… a Macintosh. For our little Jake. I saw the most fantastic Black Friday ad–”

“Over my dead body.”

“Oh, come on John, what’s so bad about Apple?”

“Dead… Body,” I repeated, slowly.

“John, answer my question. What does it matter whether our son grows up on PC or Mac? They both do the same things.”

“Dead bodies lalalala…” I picked up the TV remote and changed the channel to some loud and obnoxious 80s rock ‘n roll music video.

“Oh and I’m filing for divorce. Have a nice life.” She picked up her car keys and left, slamming the front door on the way out.

And then it struck, like a comet at the Apocalypse. The finality of her words tore through the thick atmospheric shield of my rational consciousness and embedded itself deeply into the core of my subconscious – becoming another of those innermost realizations you can’t suppress, because there is nothing sub-it to suppress to.

Our children were going to be Mac-babies.

The original iPhone was an undisputed classic that made its producers, Apple, a household name. With the “difficult 3rd edition” behind them, Apple now attempt to rekindle the magic of the original in the much anticipated “iPhone 4”.

The phone starts where the last one left off, with the applications trying to close themselves. Then, the audience is treated to a surprise new character, “Multiple Apps”, allowing several applications to run at the same time! Yes it might have already been done in cult films such as HTC Legend, Windows CE, and the Nokia N Series, but not many people have seen these so the introduction is still a surprise to the majority.

As the film continues, we are introduced to several new characters, something that seems a little desperate. In a forth enactment, why not concentrate on developing the characters we’ve already grown to love?

Several of the old cast do return, although many of them now hopelessly past their prime. Again and again we’re treated to rehashed plot lines, worn out running jokes, and intrusive text message alerts.

Occasionally, the phone does delight with some new additions such as a decent camera and a screen size almost as big as an HTC Evo, but these are all things it should have got right in the original.

All in all, this is an entertaining addition to the iPhone saga, but will never really match up to the originality and freshness of the original classic.

A new trend of “not spending much” has resulted in a much needed boost to the world economy. Minimalists everywhere are spending money hand over fist to buy the latest minimalist paraphernalia.

Sales of Minimalist books have gone through the roof, with minimalists around the world spending their money to find out how not to spend their money.

We spoke to one such minimalist, known to his friends as “Frugal Bill”, to ask him what he had done recently to free himself from the tyranny of consumerism.

“Well I’ve bought a new greenhouse, so I can grow my own food and not have to go to the supermarket. And we’ve replaced all our furniture with stuff from Ikea, you know, with those little baskets where you can hide your junk. I’ve also built a chicken coop out of ice cream sticks. Man we ate a lot of ice cream that month.”

Bill’s wife Esther explained how their habits had changed since adopting a minimalist lifestyle. “Oh we’re so much kinder to the environment now. Instead of our horrible, fossil fuel powered gas heating, we spend our evenings around a good old wood burner, just like the old days.”

“It’s so nice to be free of possessions, to live our lives as nature intended.” added Bill, as they drove off down the public road in their manufactured car.

This past weekend I went dancing at the discos.  I did a little dance on Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday night.  I contemplated going Sunday night but was a little too tired even for myself.  And yes, apparently my weekend starts on Wednesday.  Friday I passed out cold while attempting to take a 30 minute siesta at 10:30 pm only to wake up at 3:30 am.  Apparently I didn’t get any sleep after dancing til 5am on Thursday night. JEJEJE/WOOPS.  Ok, so, clearly, I do like to dance, and more recently, it’s been very kind to my physique.  How kind you ask?  This kind:

This dude has lost 10 kilos in 2 months.  That’s approximately 22 pounds.  Oh no, he didn’t.  It’s been great, I have gained more friends and people now like me for the real me.  It’s cool because now I don’t have to pay people any pesos to be my friend.  YAY!  (Lolz at myself).

It’s true though.  Well, the kilos part.  When I arrived in Mexico back on May 17th, I weighed, ok, I’ll admit the weight: 200 lbs.  I don’t joke with this one. And no, I didn’t lose it from the swine flu.  In fact, there were absolutely no swine flu cases in the entire state that I moved to.  Ok, maybe two cases, but I’m pretty sure they’re alive– and they might even be dancing

Also, prior to my big move to the south, I had spent some coin at the Nordstrom Rack in Towson, MD to buy some cheap ‘wearables’ to my new home.  You know, a new pair of jeans, two pairs of shorts and some sneaker/sandals that you can wear in the pouring rain (similar to those ‘shoes’ that most of my lesbian friends wear).  I felt that the former were necessary to look hip and to be comfortable in a beach setting and I knew that the latter would be important for the rainy season that is now ever so slightly upon us.

The only prob was that the hip jeans I purchased from the Rack were great at the time.  BUT they were the only jeans I could fit in with an unfortunate waist size of THIRTYFRIKKINSIX.  That’s a 36.  I’ve always been happy being a thirty-four.  sadface.

But now that I dance anywhere from 2 to 3 to 4 to 5 to 6 to 7 to 8 hours (per) weekend-night, (remember, this includes Wednesday and Thursday), that the benefits not only yield a happy boy but a slim boy at that!  Thus, I have lost 10 kilos, approximately 22 lbs, and AT LEAST two and a half waist sizes.

What fun it is to live in Mexico indeed.  Instead of dying or catching a “do you cough, do you cold?” from the swine flu, instead, I changed my life around and lost 22 lbs doing it.  Oh, and did I mention that I live in Paradise?

Now if only I could get that pesky mustached taxi driver man to leave my white french poodle and I alone :-/   zomg

I walk my white french poodle every day around lunch time.  Lunch time in Mexico is around 3pm.  Yesterday the two of us were strolling down the Malecon (a cemented boardwalk here, pronounced Mal-ah-cone) when we passed a corner of three or four taxi drivers waiting for their next jolly tourist.  I had no idea at the time, but I was about to be violated by the oldest taxi driver!!!  I’d say he has about 58 years– despite my preference being a little on the older side, still a bit too old for my taste.

You know what I mean, right?

My white french poodle and I passed very close to the three or four taxi drivers when the 58 year old mustached taxi man said, “Ay what a prettty poodle, can I touch it?”

Sometimes I run into some obsure people on the malecon, but it’s hard to just say “beat it pal,” when someone asks to pet your poodle.  BUT before I even gave mustache man permission, he reached up under the back of MY shirt and grabbed my TUCHAS, disregarded my white french poodle altogether and said, “Ah, muy bonito”.  My french poodle is female.  I think the 58 year old mustache taxi man was referring to ME and my beautiful behind.

I was left too confused to feel violated. 

Oh, and I saw mustache man again today.  He didn’t talk to me or my white french poodle.  But just as the above grafitti from Portland, OR states, “F U mustache man…I still hate you.  And you know exactly what you did.  Playa.”

See you tomorrow, Playa.  :-/

So, today I discovered urban dictionary.  They seem to have all kinds of definitions from the street and the like.  The tag line reads, “The dictionary you (write). Define your world.”  I was feeling lucky on google and that’s how I found it.  Turns out there are about 65 varying “definitions” of sketchy.  I liked the following and then I’ll tell you why.  OK?

Sketchy Definition #33:

Someone who does really shady things and who’s eyes shift a lot. Someone not to be trusted with ANYTHING.

Sketchy sentence:

Pamela is soooo sketchy. She’s probably stealing someone’s clothes right now…

Written by bharath

So here’s why I liked it and why I needed to share it.  Because it made me LOL in a tea and pie shop.  That, and the visual I got of friends and “friends” I know whose eyes pirate walk a little too much, you know what I mean, right?  Jeje.

As of last week, I made a new friend that works as a hairdresser here in Mexico and also goes house to house for the cuts.  I’m really about a 55% on whether this new friend is a real person or someone shady, as defined by the above—sometimes I catch his eyes shifting, you know?  Oh, and he knows about as much English as I know Spanish—which isn’t much, but while it’s definitely manageable, it still won’t help me know whether or not my clothes might disappear when he comes over for dinner tonight. Zomg. Jeje.

Did you know that this year alone, pirates have seized over 100 ships in only one area— the Gulf of Aden. I had to look that gulf up on Wikipedia, so don´t feel silly if you have to click through here also.

Yep, that´s right, click on the link and you´re looking at Somalia. Reminds me of those little sketchy kids from south park and the episode where Cartman decides to go to Somalia to be a Pirate. Sketchiest boys ever.

The Gulf of Aden is pretty busy. But of course, sketchy pirates must be everywhere because as this article states, another ship went missing back on July 24th, but it disappeared thousands of miles away off the coast of Sweden in the arctic ocean. As the article from the AP questions, “could this be an almost unheard of case of sea banditry in European waters”?

SEA BANDITRY???  The fifteen previously missing Russians have been located, after having been tied and beaten up by masked “police officers,” but my new favorite sketchy phrase:

¡SEA BANDITRY!

Somalian pirate video (Official South Park Song)