sketchy.com

Sketchy’s field correspondent reports:

Citizens of South Africa have taken to the streets in protest of the new Protection of State Information Bill passed Tuesday, 22 November 2011.

The Protection of State Information Bill, which makes it illegal to possess or publish classified government documents regardless of whether or not they are incriminating of a greater evil, has had mixed responses throughout the nation. Supporters of the bill, which include government officials and pretty much no one else, are highly satisfied with the outcome of the vote.

Limpopo MP, Mr. Leo Nswako, had this to say: “Finally I can sleep easy tonight. The secrecy bill means I no longer have to be careful about who I appoint to office. Now all I am worried about is how to choose which nephew I like the most in time for Christmas – this will make a great present!”

South African citizens are not stupid, however.

Critics of the bill argue that – if made law – this will radically undermine investigative journalism and eventually put an end to all forms of whistleblowing.

Pretoria resident, Kobus Stein, comments: “They can take our right to information, but they will never take our whistles. How can we play rugby if there is no one to blow the whistle?”

Another citizen, Sipho Mthethwa of Soweto, is similarly concerned: “Does this mean Vuvuzelas are out too?”

A new trend of “not spending much” has resulted in a much needed boost to the world economy. Minimalists everywhere are spending money hand over fist to buy the latest minimalist paraphernalia.

Sales of Minimalist books have gone through the roof, with minimalists around the world spending their money to find out how not to spend their money.

We spoke to one such minimalist, known to his friends as “Frugal Bill”, to ask him what he had done recently to free himself from the tyranny of consumerism.

“Well I’ve bought a new greenhouse, so I can grow my own food and not have to go to the supermarket. And we’ve replaced all our furniture with stuff from Ikea, you know, with those little baskets where you can hide your junk. I’ve also built a chicken coop out of ice cream sticks. Man we ate a lot of ice cream that month.”

Bill’s wife Esther explained how their habits had changed since adopting a minimalist lifestyle. “Oh we’re so much kinder to the environment now. Instead of our horrible, fossil fuel powered gas heating, we spend our evenings around a good old wood burner, just like the old days.”

“It’s so nice to be free of possessions, to live our lives as nature intended.” added Bill, as they drove off down the public road in their manufactured car.

Today I’m blogging about sketchalous ways to make some quick pesos or quick coins outside your regular day job.  Now, a preface might be that these options might only work in certain areas of the world, but it’s especially doable in the Mexican city where I’m currently living. 

I love the awkward turtle.  In fact, I only remembered it now when I discovered a fabulous new way to express your level of uncomfort with magic hand motions.  They are magic because they help describe how you feel at a given b-zaro moment.  I would first like to introduce Miss Awkward Turtle, (genders and titles can of course vary).

From urban dictionary:

	Awkward Turtle	558 up, 46 down
	During an awkward moment, this hand gesture is used to mark the situation as awkward, and, depending on the situation, makes it more awkward or clears the air. The awkward turtle is made by putting one hand on top of the other with the thumbs sticking outward and rotating forward. The speed of the rotating thumbs depends on the degree of awkwardness. Boy- “I love you.” Girl- “Um…that’s cool…” Boy- *AWKWARD TURTLE* awkward turtle awkward turtle baton rouge trip miles johnson by <3 curse of curves <3 May 29, 2007 share this

Here’s a video that shows the proper ways to use Awkward Turtle!:

Soooo, now that you have met awkward turtle, I now give you Sketchy Clam, via again, the urban dictionary:

	sketchy clam	1 up, 1 down
	The lesser-known cousin of the awkward turtle. Used when a situation is sketchy. The motion is two closed fists, joined at the wrist, making a clapping motion. The Maharishi University of Management attracts large numbers of hippies, but still exhibits strong class division. *sketchy clam* awkward turtle sketchy shady sentient animal emotive action by Mary Wollstonecraft Jun 10, 2008 share this

There seems to be less info out there about our Sketchy Clam, so if you find anything, comment b-low.  And,,, thanks for meeting Awkward Turtle and Sketchy Clam.  Mucho gusto jejeje   Now go wait for an uncomfortable moment and rock out with the Awkward Turtle or wait for a sketchy moment and pop out with the Sketchy Clam!!  Later, I will introduce you to Katie Tay’s animals that make your friends feel uncomfortable LOLz.  She has taught me of the salmon, the scorpion, the giblet and they are sort of friendly.  But not at first! JEJE.  Check the wikipipedia page and look under “Other Awkward Animals”.   Kthnxbyz!

1.	sketchy clam	1 up, 1 down
	The lesser-known cousin of the awkward turtle. Used when a situation is sketchy. The motion is two closed fists, joined at the wrist, making a clapping motion. The Maharishi University of Management attracts large numbers of hippies, but still exhibits strong class division. *sketchy clam* get this def on a mug awkward turtle sketchy shady sentient animal emotive action by Mary Wollstonecraft Jun 10, 2008 share this

We recently added several new contributors and we’re getting a feel for just how sketchy they are… If you are interested in contributing to sketchy.com, please register today and drop me an an email.

We really don’t have a plan for where this site is heading but we can assure you it will feature a regular amount of sketchiness for your enjoyment.

There’s a new video up online today with TV’s most famous fat naked gay man.  The one, the only, Richard Hatch.  Kind of an idol for me.  Well, my must-see favorite TV program is Survivor.  So, naturally, I’m a fan of Hatch. Most people, however, see him as one sketchy bastard.

But today Hatch is clothed and hanging out poolside with NBC’s Matt Lauer and Hatch proposes that he was sent to prison not because of the tax evasion, but because of discrimination against him for being gay.  (Also, take note of the close up of his fancy ankle bracelet).

But wait,  who discriminated against him?  Well the jury and the judge of course when he was at trial!  *shakes my head in confusion*

Watch Hatch and Lauer chat poolside and you be the judge:

Even Hatch admits that he was cocky and arrogant since winning the million dollar prize money.  But now, he says, he’s not as cocky and arrogant as he once was.  He thinks going to prison has changed him– but, despite being changed for the better– he doesn’t think he deserved to go to the maximum and high level security prisons that he went to for four years.  While he was definitely convicted guilty in some shady tax evading, Hatch says it was definitely not his fault. sadface

And moreover, Hatch has lost all his money because of all this shadiness.  The 1 million dollars that existed back in 2000 when he won the first Survivor is neither the same worth now in 2009 and neither around period.

Regardless, Hatch won that million by being a sneaky, manipulating, arrogant player in one of TV’s most fascinating games– as Matt Lauer suggests, maybe Hatch is only simply trying to pull another one over our heads.

Smell sketchy or no?  Either way, I’m still a big fan of Hatch.  JEJEJE.

What do you think?  You can also read more of Rich’s sad story HERE on People.com

I walk my white french poodle every day around lunch time.  Lunch time in Mexico is around 3pm.  Yesterday the two of us were strolling down the Malecon (a cemented boardwalk here, pronounced Mal-ah-cone) when we passed a corner of three or four taxi drivers waiting for their next jolly tourist.  I had no idea at the time, but I was about to be violated by the oldest taxi driver!!!  I’d say he has about 58 years– despite my preference being a little on the older side, still a bit too old for my taste.

You know what I mean, right?

My white french poodle and I passed very close to the three or four taxi drivers when the 58 year old mustached taxi man said, “Ay what a prettty poodle, can I touch it?”

Sometimes I run into some obsure people on the malecon, but it’s hard to just say “beat it pal,” when someone asks to pet your poodle.  BUT before I even gave mustache man permission, he reached up under the back of MY shirt and grabbed my TUCHAS, disregarded my white french poodle altogether and said, “Ah, muy bonito”.  My french poodle is female.  I think the 58 year old mustache taxi man was referring to ME and my beautiful behind.

I was left too confused to feel violated. 

Oh, and I saw mustache man again today.  He didn’t talk to me or my white french poodle.  But just as the above grafitti from Portland, OR states, “F U mustache man…I still hate you.  And you know exactly what you did.  Playa.”

See you tomorrow, Playa.  :-/

So, today I discovered urban dictionary.  They seem to have all kinds of definitions from the street and the like.  The tag line reads, “The dictionary you (write). Define your world.”  I was feeling lucky on google and that’s how I found it.  Turns out there are about 65 varying “definitions” of sketchy.  I liked the following and then I’ll tell you why.  OK?

Sketchy Definition #33:

Someone who does really shady things and who’s eyes shift a lot. Someone not to be trusted with ANYTHING.

Sketchy sentence:

Pamela is soooo sketchy. She’s probably stealing someone’s clothes right now…

Written by bharath

So here’s why I liked it and why I needed to share it.  Because it made me LOL in a tea and pie shop.  That, and the visual I got of friends and “friends” I know whose eyes pirate walk a little too much, you know what I mean, right?  Jeje.

As of last week, I made a new friend that works as a hairdresser here in Mexico and also goes house to house for the cuts.  I’m really about a 55% on whether this new friend is a real person or someone shady, as defined by the above—sometimes I catch his eyes shifting, you know?  Oh, and he knows about as much English as I know Spanish—which isn’t much, but while it’s definitely manageable, it still won’t help me know whether or not my clothes might disappear when he comes over for dinner tonight. Zomg. Jeje.

The economic recovery is the good news most of us have been waiting for. But not Jim Bishop, from Wigan, UK. For the last 10 months, he has been enjoying life on the dole in his tiny bedsit.

After losing his job as a carpet fitter last year, Jim has enjoyed getting up late and playing Halo 3 in his underwear.

“I’ve been having the time of my life!” he told Sketchy.com in an interview. “The recession has given me time to do all the stuff I never had time for before.” Jim showed us a cupboard he had cleared out, his alphabetized DVD collection, and the new bag he had put in the vacuum cleaner.

“Now that the recession is coming to an end, I’m going to have to get a job again.” he sighed. “I don’t know how I’m going to get the time to do all these kind of things any more.” Jim hopes the recovery can hold off just long enough for him to complete Fallout 3.

This is my first post.  YAY!

I stumbled on this picture from google images that had been submitted in a contest of extremely teeny electron micrographs a couple years back. The contest had been part of a 2005 conference on “Electron, Ion, Proton and Beam Technology of Nanofabrication.”

What you’re looking at is an SEM, a Scanning Electron Micrograph, with an integrated circuit fabrication at 15,000X magnification.  zomg.

I took plenty of science courses a decade or so ago, but this sort is kind of in a league of their own…nevertheless, the contest posted their “grand prize winners”, “honorable mentions” and of course, their “most bizarres”.   Submitted by Takahashi Kaito, is the winner of “MOST BIZARRE,” but I think it also deserves title of “most sketchy”.   Jeje.

Behold, the world’s smallest toilet.   Jeje.

If you a grown mutha f&%cka, AND you get killed, AND you get killed by a tiger, AND you get killed by a tiger in a zoo, AND you get killed by a tiger in a zoo in San Francisco…I think God’s Will has been done for your life. I think that’s exectly what was supposed to happen and I think he wanted me to laugh about it a whole lot.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Pearl Jam…but I don’t think it’s because their music is particularly compelling.  I think it’s because I like being confused and entertained at the same time. 

I don’t mean, “what is his message?” or “what is the deeper meaning of his lyrical genius?”

I mean, “what the f%$k words are coming out of his mouth?”  I can’t understand what he is saying…

Dude…I’ll give a dollar to anyone that can tell me why the song that has NO WORDS is called “Brother”…what the hell?

(not really…I don’t ACTULLY care that much…but it was funny how many people pulled up Google while reading that sentence)

There is no fear like that of a parent who rolls over in the middle of the night to a “children of the corn” munchkin standing at the side of their bed, staring at them.

You have to check out the Hot Chicks with Douchebags site, they have pictures of hot chicks with total and complete douche bags, with commentary… Very amusing and rather sketchy to say the least.