Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

LHC Finds Higgs Boson, Unleashes Can of Tiny Multidimensional Wormholes

After years of anticipation and hard-won research, physicists at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) have finally observed the Higgs boson in action, a truly remarkable discovery accompanied by air punching from scientists the world over. The Higgs boson, also known as the ‘God Particle’, was first proposed in the 1960s by physicist Peter [...]

Economy Boosted by Increase of Minimalists

A new trend of “not spending much” has resulted in a much needed boost to the world economy. Minimalists everywhere are spending money hand over fist to buy the latest minimalist paraphernalia. Sales of Minimalist books have gone through the roof, with minimalists around the world spending their money to find out how not to [...]

Sheep Stroking Abundant Source of Clean Energy

Scientists in New Zealand, working with the Farmer’s union, have stumbled upon a novel method for generating vast quantities of clean, free energy. While performing routine “tests” in the area, the small team of scientists found their “instruments” were being unexpectedly charged. “The power is truly abundant bro.” said Dr B. Ollocks, from Aukland University. [...]

Record Profits for this Year’s St Guinness Day

Millions of thirsty Irish people took advantage of their yearly excuse to drink yesterday, allowing the global corporation Guinness to enjoy record profits for another year. Pubs around the world covered their walls in anything green they could get hold of to cash in on the world’s biggest piss-up. We spoke to the frankly unbelievably [...]

Lady Gaga Stumps Sketchy Staff

Even the best writers struggle sometimes. Sketchy staff set out this morning to write a satirical story about Lady Gaga, but it seems that over the weekend we were beaten to the punch by her latest exploits. “She’s just too freaking weird.” said one writer. “We couldn’t even come close to competing with her level [...]

Google Forced to Rid the Internet of Porn

Today a ruling in the high court means that Google will now be responsible for ensuring that no bad things happen on the internet. Following on from a case where they failed to delete material put online by someone else, they now have to make sure that there is nothing else on the internet that [...]

Kids Today Not Taught How to Be Assholes

Kids today are not being taught the skills they need to cope in the real world, according to a report from an international think tank. In the report, it details how schools are not equipping young people with essential life skills such as drinking in public, swearing at other drivers, and pushing in at cash [...]

New Gilmore Girls Blu-Ray Box Set to Include “Slow speech down to human level” Feature

The new Gilmore Girls complete Blu Ray Box set, released on Monday, is the first Blu Ray release to include a “Slow down to normal people speed” setting. The new feature was added in the interests of public sanity. For those viewers who missed everything that was ever said on the Gilmore Girls, which is [...]

New Michael Bay Movie Just One Long Explosion

Michael Bay is about to release his latest movie, titled “Boom” which aims to break the record for the biggest explosion ever in a movie. The movie, which is just over 4 hours long, is simply one long explosion that lasts the entire duration. “It’s a story of love, life, and how they come together [...]

Local Man realises he is the only person left on MySpace

Mark Windsor, a brick layer from down the road, logged onto his MySpace account today for the first time in 3 years, only to find that he had no friends in his friends list. Upon further investigation, it became apparent to Mr Windsor that everyone in the world had actually left MySpace, around the same [...]